I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it penis luge time yet?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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