Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
