oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
