And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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