u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize