She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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