i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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