No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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