i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
