ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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