I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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