U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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