Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
