At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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