Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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