Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
