who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
