Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
