He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
