she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
