Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
