every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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