When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
