AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
