Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
