im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
