If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
