R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
