I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize