How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize