I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
why is half of my head shaved?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
