My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
