Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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