I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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