If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
