Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize