Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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