Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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