Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
