Jerry, you need to find god
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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