Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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