I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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