awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize