You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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