I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
