The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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