So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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