If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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