Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
