Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
