Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
