Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
