I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize