More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
