You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i dont even know how to be here
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
