Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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