I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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