i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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