I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
