4 words: hood of his car
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
