I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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