my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was born a porn star she said
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
