Please, let me fuck your mom
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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